Sometimes life just seems rough to get through every single day. Getting through the week with the goal of reaching Saturday only to start the process back up again the next morning. When it's tougher than that your goal is getting through the day, or getting through the end of a shift at work, or making it to at least lunch.
At this point in my life my goal is a daily goal.
For about four months my heart has been aching. Metaphorically and physically.
I managed to lose a best friend and my grandma within a matter of days from each other. I cried so much my boyfriend had to stay home from work to take care of my ailing pains of loss.
I have dealt with so much drama...family drama, friend drama, work drama, school drama. So caught up in a whirlwind feeling hopeless. Losing sleep because of work, losing energy from crying every single day, burning myself out from homework, loss of appetite from food, and the growing pains of anxiety.
Eventually anxiety won over my body. Heart palpitations, emotional imbalance, and an eventual case of anemia.
Its hard to lose someone but I discovered how much harder it is to lose the stability of one's own life. On a daily basis my life seems decent or perfect as one of my friends would say. But, looking at the whole picture, knowing what runs through my head all day, feeling the pains that are in my chest all the time, taking a vitamin pill with a meal, and taking anti-anxiety twice a day have made me realize I am not stable.
But I find the goodness in my life that gets me through it all. I know how much my family loves me because they show that everyday with my mom constantly texting me. I know how much my boyfriend loves me with the hugs he gives and the sparkle in his eye when he looks at me even when I am make-up less with tears running down my face. I know how much he loves me by how he tries to be around me with every spare second he has. I have great friends who watch over me and realize that I am right when I say someone is acting foolish. By the late night conversations we have even when we are miles away from each other.
And I know I love me because I make the best decisions I can, I act responsible, and I have enough pride in myself to pay for my own things than allow a parent to do that for me.
This allows me to stop hurting and get sleep at night.
Perhaps we all go through pain at times to remember the things we should be grateful to have even when we lose what we once held dear. Maybe time will help us forget, but for now we take it day by day.
