To Dream

A dream that you still wanted me. A dream to wake me up into my living nightmare.

To breathe your sweet smell when you're there. To breathe a memory when you no longer are.

To see a smile on my face thinking of moments shared, being with you, laughing at your jokes. To force a smile in order to try and move forward.

To write with your hand moving mine. To write with the thought of you flowing in my blood down my veins to my hand, to my pen.

To drive aimlessly in search of nothing next to you in the cab of a truck. To drive aimlessly in search of escape and of you.

To love unknowingly. To love knowingly and unconditionally too late.

To sing with the words of that cd. To sing louder than the thoughts that pound in my head.

To listen to your voice for hours. To listen to your voice only in a 20 sec message.

To believe in the moment moving forward. To believe the moment is only momentary.

True. Too good to be true.

As a child pain is described as blood, scabs, and tears.

Now there's an understood worse pain. The erasing of a person from your life. A person dying too young, too soon, too painful. Too many of these have I dealt with. A person deciding to leave you in ambiguous motives. Their known existence hurting your core and haunting you as though they died too.

So to dream. To hope to see them in this altered state. To breathe, to smile, to write, to drive, to love, to listen, to believe all in passion.